Genderalities?

I have been pondering this information from the latest issue of Christianity Today.

27% Rate of major depression in women who have attended religious services since childhood.
36% Rate in women who had changed attendance patterns (nearly all had stopped attending services).
31% Incidence of major depression in men who have always attended religious services.
24% Incidence in men who had stopped attending.
(Source: Social Psychiatry and Psychiatric Epidemiology)

Whenever we talk about men and women, we are making broad statements and generalizations, but then, generalizations are generally true.

We have all heard a lot those generalizations like…

Women are more inclined to highly value security and relationships. (Did I just explain the values behind the findings above?)
Men tend to highly value adventure, conquest, and freedom (I did it again!)

In my circles, it has been the men who are who are blatantly unhappy with their experience in the institutional church, while their wives are not so unsettled and unhappy in their church relationship.

Not surprisingly, when many of these families make the jump to a new expression of church, like a house church, it is the women who are concerned about the children having a place or program for learning and nurture.

The men are ready to experiment; the women tend to be unsure.

I wonder how much of what is happening in Emergent, missional, house church circles is driven by men who have gotten PO’d with their experience in their IC, whose wives are in tow and trying to be supportive of their husbands, but would have never made the move if it was up to them.

I hope that I didn’t offend any women or men who don’t fit the pattern, as I can personally think of some of each gender who defy these generalizations.

I don’t know what this means, nor do I know how to address it. It may just be the outgrowth of who we are.

My concern is for the women who are swept up into a huge change because their husbands feel so strongly. How can a husband and wife be true to who they are and follow God’s leading their life together? Now that is a very big question, one with many applications.

SeWi in The Summer

I know, it is the middle of Summer and everyone is busy, but I have this conviction that our area needs a judgment-free-zone to discuss issues of faith and life. The cohort is great opportunity to take a step out of the bubble of isolation or our denomination or church to find out what God is up to in our world.

So, please accept this this sincere invitation to join us in the conversation, Thursday, July 17th, 7:00PM at Common Grounds in Kenosha. Look for us in the room to your right as you walk in the door.

Grace & Peace ~
Glenn

Map

Common Grounds

SeWi Blog

SeWi Facebook Group

Uprooted Blog

Emergent Village Site

* SeWi: Southeasern Wisconsin (Cohort)

Human Behavior

I was a party to a large business transaction recently and I encountered several issues in trying to get the deal done. I received a barrage of eleventh hour phone calls, sometimes talking on one phone while the other was ringing. The party wanted to receive cash for a large amount which no bank will do. Then they wanted a wire transfer. Then their bank which is notorious for poor service, didn’t want to cash the check. So, for a transaction that should have involved two hours at tops, took five hours and the five hours involved all kinds of demands, threats and panicky messages and phone calls.

Many of you encounter this kind of distrust and knee jerk reactions in the business world. In this deal, much of the panic was alleviated after some simple research which was initially overlooked. There was a lot of passive-aggressive behavior being exhibited depending on how the deal was going at the moment. I admit to being very discussed… and relieved and exhausted when the deal was done.

I wonder why people are so distrustful and fearful of being taken advantage of, even beyond the point of rationality, as I also wonder why they can’t take a moment to do their own research before frantically throwing their frustration off to someone else. I wonder why there is the slightest glitch, one turns so adversarial.

Maybe it was to see what is really in my heart and who I really am. Oh, hum…..

Being Christian In America

Here are two contrasting positions about being Christian in America from a recent Out of Ur post.

Charles Colson: I don’t think that you can simply forget the fact that we live in a kingdom and a state. Our job is to make the state as righteous and conformed to God’s standards as possible. But you can love the Lord your God with your heart, mind, and soul and also love your country as a way of loving your neighbor.

Gregory Boyd: This is the fundamental difference between us. In your book you speak a lot about our dual commitments, our dual allegiances to God and country. I just don’t know where in the New Testament you get that. I can’t imagine Jesus or Paul saying such a thing. God tells us to obey the laws of the land and to pray for peace. Those are our two engagements. But I don’t feel we have any kind of duty to love or defend our country.

Colson’s position has long been that of Evangelicalism. Patriotism, nationalism, conservatism “family values”, Christianity, and a little apple pie have been mixed and blended into a cocktail that leaves one at a lost to clearly distinguish the individual ingredients. Patriotism can be very noble, but I cannot find his position anywhere in Scripture. Jesus seemed to be rather oblivious to the oppressive government that he encountered and he distanced himself from the zealots who complained and fought back.

Boyd’s comments infuriate a lot of good hearted people, especially those who have paid a dear price in one of our armed conflicts. I understand why they would feel that way. Yet, when we talk about our country, I think most of the time, we really mean our government. It probably is the best on the face of the earth, at least, one of the best, but it has huge issues, too. I can’t understand from either a biblical position or from common sense, why we would want to marry ourselves to our government.

How can this nation stay strong without citizens maintaining a free and somewhat objective posture, so that it can be better? I fear that patriotism has been turned into some sort of religion in which our nation becomes of supreme importance and it is our sacred responsibility to love and defend “her”. We react in horror when we see this kind of thing in other nations. Yet, sacrifice and duty is, indeed, necessary at times, if we want to maintain our way of life.

Why can’t we love the good things about America and her government, without assuming that we are the only nation that has it together? Obviously, in a lot of areas, we don’t have it together. Why not speak up when the government goes off course? Why not realize that it is our nation, just a nation, not a religion and that our ultimate citizenship lies in another kingdom?

Normal Stuff

Things have been too busy lately which is a far cry from the doldrums of joblessness that I have been in for so long. It has been a time full of adjustments and necessities that stretch me. I feel like the uncomfortable is about to turn into something meaningful and productive. It is hard to believe that I have been on this new job for three weeks. During that time, nothing has been normal. I have been sick. Patty has been in Germany. Sam has been here for a week. Time off and weekends have been shortened by one thing or another.

I am just starting to breathe easier concerning the job. There is much yet to learn, but some of my misgivings have been allayed, thankfully. I have an interesting commute through the poorest and wealthiest areas of Chicagoland. Every time the Amtrak and Metra trains whiz by just yards from the office building, our fourth floor offices shake like a San Francisco aftershock. I am trying to get used to a workplace where people stare at computers all day. The place is full of brainy people who write code for applications, ultra casually dressed ops guys who monitor banks of monitors for the network and do other stuff that I don’t understand, and then there are those of us who support the clients and address their concerns. I realize that my “new world” is so many peoples’ normal world.

Having Sam here kept things hopping, but he is a joy. He is very intelligent (After all, he is MY grandson!) and doesn’t miss a thing. At three, he is a perpetual motion machine. My wife figured it out. Kids have so much energy because they suck it out of adults. He is a bit more willful these days, but is easy to redirect. We find that he is in a very exacting, dramatic stage of life. When he says “grandpa”, I melt. I love that boy!

There are a lot of projects and such in the works and I am trying to figure out how to balance them with my new schedule. Also, I am trying to find a way to write here a little more.

I guess this all is normal stuff.

But…

Sam

The last couple of weeks have been a bit of a blur. Trying to learn this new and highly technical job tops the list. It is forcing me to face several of my insecurities. So, that is good, but very challenging.

My evenings and weekends have been full, with attempts to further familiarize myself with job tasks, major connectivity issues, invitations to join people for dinner, household tasks, and appointments. Yesterday, we journeyed half way to the Twin Cities to pick up Sam, our three-year-old grandson, who will spending the week with us. I have been busy, weary, and concerned with learning the new job, but I keep re-focusing and re-doubling my determination to conquer the job thing and to take things in stride.

I wonder if life isn’t about handling the unexpected. I wonder if that isn’t the test of Christian character and proving ground of faith. The word that comes to mind is “but…” We all could state a long list of disappointments, and quirky twists and turns that we have encountered in life. Yet, I believe that God has a way of showing up smack dap in the middle of life’s weirdness. Here are some examples of “buts” of life. (Right now I am fighting my inner demons that planted all kinds of cute and vulgar ways of expressing this!) Anyway…

I am not in church work which has been my lifelong desire and identity, but…

• I really don’t want to go back into the world of the institutional church, anyway.
• I have a newfound freedom to be involved in the kingdom ministry of life.

I am employed in a position that is new and different and stretches me, but…

• Being stretched is a good thing.
• I work with very patient people.
• I am learning good skills.
• I have cool perks, like setting my own hours, carpool partners, free beverages, casual dress, a new laptop and cell phone

I am kind of old (50’s), but…

• I usually don’t feel nearly that old physically or mentally.
• I like hanging around younger people.
• I have a little something to pass on to someone who is younger.
• I may get this retirement funding thing on track yet… in the eleventh hour.

I guess, along with Gary, I am moving toward a new goal: Moving from whining to living.

I’ve got to go check up on the boy. He definitely helps me live.

Grace & Peace

Hey

Yep, I’m still alive. Just trying to keep all of the balls in the air at the same time and that has gotten to be more of a challenge. I hope to post this Sunday.

Thanks for reading and for your friendship!

~ Grace & Peace

A Doozy!

You have probably noticed that I haven’t been writing much this week. That is because I got a new job. This week has been a doozey.

Here is a little overview of what has been going on around here lately. I started a new job on Monday. My son started a new job on Monday (though with a guy he used to work for). In a few days, my daughter-in-law begins a new job that is a two-hour one-way commute which means that they soon will be moving out of our little town to another suburb. Last Saturday was our anniversary, two days later was my Mom’s eightieth birthday. My wife has been in Germany all week on a business trip. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I had a weird summer cold all last week.

So here I am at my ripe old age beginning a job in a technology company trying to focus on bucket loads of new complex tasks, bucket loads of new programs, and a whole new work culture and rhythm of life, while I was so sick that sometimes I could barely focus at all. Remember that for about 80% of my life I have been a pastor or self employed. So this week I have been introduced to the kinds of things that most of the American public has to deal with on a daily basis, like a harrowing hour long commute through suburban Chicagoland traffic. Fortunately I have a couple of really cool carpool partners.

I really didn’t understand how technical this job is and my hirers probably overestimated my technical skills. Of course, most of my associates are not much older than my children. Anyhow, I spent a couple of days of trying to do what I was directed to do. I was being shown things that were way over my head and I had no context to even assimilate the knowledge. All of this and… spending a good deal of time sneezing, wiping my runny nose, trying to hard breath through swollen nasal passages, and, generally, feeling lousy. So day one and day two left me wondering what the heck I gotten myself into.

Tuesday night, I did a little soul searching and praying. I decided to make this thing work and also, I decided to get proactive about my training. Wednesday was such an affirming day that it left me humbled and filled with gratitude. I have tons to learn yet, but I am confident that I can and will do this job well.

There are a number of things that influenced me to stick it out. I really like the people, including the management string, all of whom were willing to take a chance on me. The person whom I am replacing is a very sweet and patient girl who will shortly be pursuing a nursing career. The two brothers that I carpool with are guys that I consider friends. I have had calls, emails, and invitations to dinner, all to encourage me in this very different venture. (If any of the afore mentioned people are reading, I am not trying to blog my way into your good graces, rather I am just stating my true thoughts and feelings. Honest!)

I have a newfound opportunity to identify with the average working person. I am learning some good skills. Besides, I really need a job and income. I accept the challenge!

Things will probably slow down a bit here on the blog, since I will also be spending some time at home to help me get up to speed for a while. Also, Communitas Collective is still in the works, though I will probably put off the launch until late summer or early fall.

I remember never being able to conceive of thinking how I could ever do anything other than church work. Then, I consented to social work. Now I am working in a tech company and pursuing some volunteer ventures and think this right where God wants me.

Is Willow Getting Creeky?

First of all, I sort of apologize for the title, but my personal flash drive flickered and out came those words.

These thoughts are based on my reading about the Reveal study and this new interview with Bill Hybels, all posted in this Out Of Ur article.

I have had a long love for Willow. When I first attended a conference there about fifteen years ago, a light went on and their approach made total sense to me. As I talked with staff and volunteers, I found the criticisms that I had heard of Willow to be entirely ungrounded . Eventually, I transitioned the church I pastored to our particular spin of the Willow/Seeker-targeted model.

Today, I feel differently about things. Here are a few of my random thoughts, though; I admit they are just thoughts or feelings. I haven’t been to Willow in the last few years.

• The kids that started Willow are now AARP members. Like people, churches age. I doubt very much that it is the same daring, crazy place it was in the early days and in some ways that’s good, in other ways, it’s bad. It’s a huge ship that takes lots of room (time) to make course adjustments. As organizations age, people start thinking about security and sustaining the organization.
• Right or wrong, it sounds like Willow is still very much dedicated to the attractional model. It seems like a pretty iffy basket to put so many eggs in it.
• All of the corporate terminology turned me off. Maybe, they need a strategic plan initiative to move from a business model to a relational model.
• Bill Hybels is using exactly the same terminology as he was fifteen years ago.
• The idea of providing heavy Bible classes and theology and wanting to turn people into self feeders doesn’t strike me as new, effective or the way of Jesus.

Yet, I have learned not to underestimate Willow. It just seems to me that they may be falling behind or maybe they are continuing on a logical path and it is I who have changed.

Grace has good thoughts on this too!

Checkout the article and short video and let me know what you think?

Hope For Outsiders

It has taken me a long time to respond to Aaron’s tag, called Stories of Hope. This one is really personal.

I grew up without a lot of confidence or sense of identity until I was eighteen. That’s when I surrendered to what I understood to be the calling of God to “full time Christian vocational service”. That defining call and meeting Patty pointed me a different direction than the one I was headed which I think would have led to a life of sex and drugs.

I found myself on a path where I was often regarded to be something of an outsider. I would travel back and forth between the worlds of Baptist denominationalism and fundamentalism which caused me to be regarded as suspect in both worlds. Most things about the pastorate, I dearly loved, though, I would often grow frustrated with church folks who were reluctant to take steps that would make what we were doing meaningful to the non-initiated.

A few years into pastoral ministry, I knew that church was broken and hardly resembled what it was like upon its inception. Yet, I kept trying to work within the system that I knew. My last church was troubled, struggling, and divided years before I arrived on the scene, yet I served there for ten years, weathering about every major upheaval and transition that you can think of. Finally, God showed up. We went from being a stodgy old Bible teaching church to grace-oriented ministry to down-and-outers with a very hip service style and great spontaneous ministry.

Unfortunately, some more transitions and some misguided people eventually brought the church down. After weathering years and years of frustration that finally led to huge changes and blessing, I witnessed the dream turn into a nightmare. We eventually disbanded the church.

I thought the worst was over and that I would find another church job and go on, but after countless searches, resumes, and interviews, nothing came together. We tried attending and helping local churches, but it never felt right. Yet, it was that opportunity to be the outsider again that led me down another road on which started asking questions, meeting new people, and reading new and different books.

It has been six years since I have been a church staff pastor. I am still a pastor at heart, but I have finally embraced my status as an outsider. Until recently, I couldn’t imagine myself involved in a vocation other than church work. Then I finally considered social service, but couldn’t get any traction there. Tomorrow, I will begin a job that takes me into the fields of customer service and technology and, amazingly, I am excited about it. I have some other non-paying ministry things in the works, in particular, I want to help people who are on a journey something like mine.